i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Randomize
