running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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