No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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