The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
