Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
