There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
