I wish my penis had an off switch
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
