I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
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