Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
