Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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