I just saw a hot homeless man
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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