We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
