you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
