Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
