I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize