You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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