Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
