guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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