Don't you send me to vm
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
You have to summon your inner elephant
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
