He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
