im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
