I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
