you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Panties = found
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