I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
