I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
She bit a glass in half.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
