You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
