just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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