She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
