honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
