Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
It's not a walk of shame if you run
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
