yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
worst night to have a conscience
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
