WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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