Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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