either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
