remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
we should paint friendship bongs
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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