if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
