Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
two words: eviction party
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
