he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize