fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
