One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
