i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
