did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
