My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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