omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
We have started to decorate penises.
I'm just crazy horny about you
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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