all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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