He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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