tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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