The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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