Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
