Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize