Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
