Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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