It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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