i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Damn victory sex feels great
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
