Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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