theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Pants are for mortals
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