i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i barfeds in our rink
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize