also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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