I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
