remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
