And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
