Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
