went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
