i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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