i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
did i walk over a car last night?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
