i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
