I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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