something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
