After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
