Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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