y did u give ur computer a hand job?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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