i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
