You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
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