I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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