just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
