a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
