Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
