My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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