she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
