did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
you mean i was at the winter classic?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize