Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
