wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
this beer tastes like vomit already
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
