He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
