So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
