we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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