Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
