There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
