I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
