Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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