Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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