try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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