I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
