Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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