dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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