Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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