Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
