Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
She needs sedatives and a leash
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
