Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
