I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize